Since my packing list post, there hasn't been much blog-worthy news (other than graduation) or happenings on the Thailand trip front. I am currently at my parents' house, trying to get myself organized, and re-organized, then organizing the organization. Oh, and the lists! I have lists of lists I have to make, as well as the lists I've made...If I put half as much energy into actually DOING the stuff on my lists as I did making them, I'd have no lists to worry about. But alas, I like to feel like I'm sortof organized and know what I'm doing. The jury is out on whether or not that's any kind of true.
Now, I'm slightly procrastinating. I love my parents' house, but one of the things I usually run into when I'm here (you'd think I'd be better at dealing with this by now, but no...) is that there's SO MUCH TO DO that I get a little lost figuring out what I'm going to do. Mountains of laundry. Deep cleaning. Grocery shop. Cook. Clean some more. (I should explain - my parents have a farm, of sorts, with several indoor animals. I haven't yet figured out how one dog and two cats can lose so much hair in two days and not be completely naked, but anyways. The point is that they, along with the other occupants of this house, bring in a lot of dirt and hay and sticks and mud and such. Keeping up with them is a full time job.) I KNOW it's not my house and I'm not REALLY responsible for all of those things, but they are all things I like to do. I can't really do much for my family, and I feel guilty for never being home, so I do what I can (and like to do) when I'm here and hope that makes up for all the places I'm lacking. Personal guilt trip aside...
I'm waiting to get my Visa back from the Thai consulate. As already noted on several occasions, I'm a professional procrastinator. Naturally, I waited until the week before I actually needed my visa to apply for it. I know that the turnaround is usually very quick (as in, a day), so I'm not that worried, but I am a tiny bit anxious. Hard to think that something as stupid as a bit of paper (or whatever a visa is) would throw a monkey wrench in this whole big trip.
So, with less than a week before I leave, I'm getting all my packing lists in order, trying to round up the supplies I'll be needing, and getting all my US stuff squared away. Seriously, leaving the country for an extended period of time is way harder than I thought it would be! I wish I had known about the $3000 I had to pull from nowhere IN ADDITION to the cost of tuition. Studying abroad is affordable, yes, if you plan and save for a while. I did no such thing. Gulp. It's going to work out. Thinking positively.
However, I have to note this. A few people have commented on my "bravery" for taking on a new country like this. I don't feel brave at all. I'm scared out of my mind. If you think that I'm excited, you're right, but actually, right now, I'm far more scared than excited. Thinking about boarding a plane that flies over a dark, cold, vast ocean makes me quake. Thinking about arriving in a foreign airport (when I struggle with domestic airports) and having no concept of how to read or speak the language there scares the life out of me. Staying in a huge city where I don't know a single other soul alone for a night nearly brings me to tears. The thought of staying in a foreign place for 7+ weeks, eating strange foods, trying to blunder my way through a total culture shock, and having no guarantee of contact with people who are most important to me makes me almost ill. I'm so so scared. And no matter how many people tell me, "You can do it!" and "You'll be fine!" when I tell them how scared I am, a part of me still hides out and says, "Um, you might not be able to do this." I'm still trying to think positively. The little quote "courage is being afraid but going on anyhow" comes to mind. So, whether or not I feel brave, I can do this!
More soon. Thanks for reading :)
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