Deviations.

I know this blog is supposed to be dedicated to traveling, but I think that, since I completed a "journey" last Thursday, it's worthy of a post. After 4 years of the hardest work I've ever done, I graduated from college. Now, I know y'all are thinking "Hey wait! I thought you were going to Thailand to study?! What's this graduating business?!" so let me clarify. I started my college career at a school where the majority of my classes were only worth 3 credits, instead of UNHM's typical 4. I took 5 classes each semester of my freshman year, but unfortunately, UNH wouldn't accept all my credits - not the same standards. Fair enough. So I worked a little harder during a couple semesters at UNHM and took a couple extra 1 or 2 credit classes, but when this semester rolled around, it turned out that I'm 2 credits short of the required 128 credits for a BS. My Thailand trip will be worth 6 credits, so I'll be all set, credit-wise, to officially graduate in September. Luckily, because my school is awesome, if you're on the right track to graduate in September, you can participate in the May commencement ceremony. Long story short, I pseudo-graduated last Thursday.

Truthfully, it doesn't feel like real life at all. Thursday was a gorgeous day, and I'm so thankful to all the people that came to the ceremony to support and congratulate me (seriously, my 'posse' was enormous!), but I still feel like I'm on summer vacation and come fall, I will be sitting at a desk, doing what I know I'm good at - learning. The finality of "your undergrad career is over. forever." is not sinking in. I'm worried that when it hits, I'm going to be a wreck. I love college. I love learning. I love meeting new people and making connections. I love my jobs on campus. I love the comfort of walking into the building and feeling like I truly belong there. I love walking down the hall and knowing every face I see or feeling confident that if I don't know them and say hi, I'll get a hi back. I even have come to love doing research (on interesting topics, of course). I love the challenge of being open-minded while still remembering my values. I. Love. College. And as pathetic as this sounds, I'm not ready to leave all that behind. The world is a giant, scary, dirty place, full of unknowns. UNHM is small, comfortable, and just unpredictable enough to keep it interesting but not scare me.

I was asked about a month ago to be the student speaker at the commencement ceremony. Of course, I accepted that honor with a GREAT deal of enthusiasm, and Thursday, delivered a speech that I'm proud of. The journey to the final result was rocky and difficult, and I'd be lying if I said that tears and much frustration weren't involved, but I said what I needed and wanted to, and feel good about the end result. I understand better now than I did before the few days leading up to, and commencement day, what a huge honor it was to be asked to do this, and I wish I had realized that sooner! I surprised myself though, For about a week leading up to the ceremony, I was growing increasingly nervous and actually almost panicked about standing in front of 1500 strangers and speaking. Even that day, when I went to "practice" and do a sound check, I nearly passed out from nerves. Then, sitting on the platform, listening to the other speakers (Governor Hassan, among others), I somehow completely...chilled out. I don't know how else to describe it. Certainly I was a bit nervous, but nothing like any of my rehearsals had been. I got up to speak and there was no knee-knocking, no light-headedness, hardly even a shaking hand! I spoke. People told me after that I sounded completely confident - I was even told that I "could be a politician, with those public speaking skills!" I say this, not to brag, but to stress how much, even in the commencement ceremony, I have learned about myself during my time at UNHM. I never would have even entertained the idea of speaking before a crowd like that, were it not for this honor. I'm excited to see what kinds of doors might open up! I believe that my speech will eventually make it on to YouTube, so I might post it at a later date.

I had intended to write more about graduation, but find that, with less than a week before leaving, I have LOTS AND LOTS to do. I'll just leave it with this (I actually stole this from my own facebook page, but it's my words...no plagiarism, promise!): Thank you for telling me that I could when I was sure that I couldn't. Thank you for supporting me, no matter how crazy I seemed. Thank you for teaching me to put what's important first. Thank you for putting up with my insane schedule and reassuring me that I'm still a good friend, no matter how busy I get, because that's life. Thank you for seeing potential when I felt like there was no way I could ever achieve what I wanted. Thank you for the honors I've been given that wouldn't have been possible without your encouragement, nominations, and support. Thank you for recognizing that a college education is a worthy endeavor, and pushing me to excel every step of the way. Thank you for laughing at me. Thank you for laughing with me. Your love, friendship, mentorship, example, and encouragement is invaluable.

xo.